Season A
by Joey4GSWarriors
Summary: Starts after TOW with the Ski trip, the main difference to me is that Phoebe does not press the point that Ross and Rachel are lobsters, so how will that change things. Ra/OOC, Ro/Ex?
1. TOW where Rachel is Over Ross

TOW Rachel's over Ross

**A/N:** I am trying my best to emulate the Writers. I know I have used and altered some existing Friends dialogue like the Infamous Joey "Moo" explanation, and the Radio.

**Setting:** This is set after the one with the Ski Trip, Ross went home, and the gang have just returned from their trip. Rachel is now over Ross. Rachel has a new friend "Rick". None of the Gang are dating…

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the Friends, they belong to NBC, Warner Bros. And Bright/Kauffman/Crane productions

This is written in Script form, please review, I will give previews to those who review!

**(Scene 1 Central Perk, Ross is the only one there)**

_The Gang walk in._

Rach: That was such a great trip.

Mon: ( In typical fashion ) I know!

_Seeing Ross_

Rach: Oh no.

Phoe: Oh come on Rach, we talked about this, you're over him. Surprising though, I thought he was your Lobster, and I'm almost never wrong.

Rach: Still, I'm not comfortable being near him, he hurt me too bad.

Mon: Aw Honey, you'll forget that soon. Come on lets go shopping.

_The girls leave. Joey and Chan walk over and sit down on the orange couch_

Chan: Hey Man, how you been?

Ross: Terrible, I spent the whole weekend just remembering. Was that her?

Chan: Naw.

Joey: Yeah that was Rac...

_Chandler kicks Joey_

Joey: Owww, Racow.

Chan: Yeah That was Racow, a girl we met in Little Bangkok. Joey's got a little crush on her.

Ross: Huh.

Joey (visibly nervous trying to change the subject): Man, I still can't believe she found out, we had the trail sussed out. Ooh muffins

_Joey gets up and runs to Gunther_

Chan: Dude, you have to get over her, she's gonna meet someone else somewhere.

_Joey returns_

Joey: Yeah man, first she's gonna get a crush, then she's gonna go on a date, the she's not gonna stop talking about him, then they'll get married, then you'll get married and confess your love for her on your deathbed. And you'll die miserable.

Chan: Joey, you know we're trying to make him feel better, right?

Joey: What did I say.

Chan: You were dropped as a child weren't you Joe.

Joey: ( Mouth full of muffin) Huh?

**( Cut to Girls apartment ) **

_The Girls are sitting around drinking Jack Daniels and Coke. There are loads of Bloomingdale bags everywhere._

Rach: I can't believe I still feel terrible, I mean usually Burberry sales cheer me up, but nothing. Mon, I hate your stupid brother.

Mon: Hey, My Brother is a doctor.

Phoe: And a medical Marvel.

Mon( Yelling): Shut up Pheebs. Don't even go there.

_Rach Jumps back and knocks over her glass._

Mon: Oh my god Oh my god, quick grab towels, Plan 74, Plan 74.

_Mon Runs to her cupboard and pulls out a box marked 74, it has a mini mop and bleach, and she begins to clean._

Phoe: Should I give her some Novocain?

Rach: She is a little worked up, wait why do you have Novocain.

Phoe: Oh I went to the dentist, and took he gave me some free samples.

Rach: Gave you?

Phoe: Fine, I took them from Dr Schwartz's car ( Rach looks puzzled) He's some guy I knew on the streets, he tried to take my teeth when I was asleep.

Rach: Huh, Hey do you think Rick is going to call?

Mon ( stops cleaning): Oh my god, you just broke up with my brother and you already want to sleep with someone else, was my brother not good enough for you.

Phoe: Okay, just calm down Mon, She doesn't want to sleep with him, and looking back, he wasn't, was he.

_Monica storms into her room_

Phoe: Don't worry, she's not the boss of you.

Rach: I know.

Phoe: And Who is?

Rach (meekly): You.

_Cut to Central Perk, the whole gang are there._

Chan: So Doug slaps goes to slap me on the ass and I turn around…

Mon: Ouch, he hit you the stomach.

Chan: No, No lower.

All: Woah!

Gunther(Thinking): Hey Rachel, I was wondering maybe, if you wanted to go on a date sometime, no. ( _spits in Ross's coffee )_

Ross: So Rach, I was thinking about us and…

Rach: Ross, we weren't on a Break, and Jurassic park could of happened.

Ross: WE WERE ON A BREAK! Wait What…

_Ross Runs out._

Mon: That was cruel.

Rach: And sleeping with a copy girl wasn't.

Mon: Let it go! He was upset, and drunk, besides, you slept with Mark.

Rach: How dare you!

_Monica storms out._

(Cut to Girls apartment, Phoebe and Rachel)

Rach: Are you sure we should do this again, last time we nearly burned down the building.

Phoe: Didn't it work last time, because if you disbelieve my faith, I'm gonna have to pound on you a little bit. Besides Ross didn't give you grappa did he.

Rach: You're right most of what I have is his fossil crap. Okay lets do this…

_Half an Hour later. Firemen are coming out of the apartment_

Rach: Again, Mr. Treeger, we are soo so sorry.

_Treeger walks out_

_Joey Walks in_

Phoe: So I guess we have to dance around naked huh.

Joey: Oh my.

_The Girls both look at Joey_

Joey: Don't worry, I'll just sit and watch.

Commercial Break.

Phoe: Okay, so burning didn't work, lets write a list saying what we think his faults are, then at the end we'll compare notes.

Rach: That's actually a good Idea, okay meet you back here in half an hour.

_Rachel runs into her room._

(Cut to Joey's apartment)

_The guys are sitting around eating Chinese food, Ross walks in, and the guys are watching Baywatch._

Ross: Hi

Chan: Hey man, how you holding up.

Ross: Not great I mean…

Joey: Chandler, they're running, look they're running.

_Chandler turns round_

Chandler. Run Yasmine, Run, run, run!

_Baywatch cuts to commercial._

Joey: Look man you've got to either get over her or win her back, like a quack.

Chan: A Quack Joe?

Joe: Yeah, The duck, when he argues with the Chick, either walks away, or flaps his wings in the chicks face, he's quack.

Ross: Huh. Wait a minute, I'm so stupid, What if…

_Cut to Rachel's apartment. The Radio is on._

_Phoebe walks in. Rach has been crying._

Phoe: Hey, Rach, what's wrong

Rach: It's just remembering, you know, you can't just stop loving someone.

Phoe: Yeah I know, but this is why we're here. Kinda ironic though, he made a list to get "Onto you" and you're making a list to get over him.

_Pheebs laughs. Rachel doesn't laugh_

Phoe: Woah tough crowd, so what did you get.

Rach: Ok, I got, Jealous, possessive, boring, and I don't have much in common with him, Pheebs, what did you get?

Phoe: I got distracted by a more urgent issue.

Rach: Oh my God, what happened.

Phoe: Joey called and wanted a new nickname.

Rach: You didn't try to save my mental stability because a hungry, horny Italian didn't like his name.

Phoe: Hey. He didn't make more than a few passes and lewd comments, so he wasn't that Horny. And besides can you blame him, I mean look at me.

Rach (exasperated): Okay fine, well what did you get?

Phoe: Joey ( Looks pleased with herself ) (Thinks) Aw Crap.

_The Song Stops, The radio announcer is the same one that was announcing on the night when Ross dedicated that song for Rach._

_( She will be addressed as Ann)_

Ann: Rachel, this is from Ross to you, begging your forgiveness.

_With or without you comes on, _

_See the stone set in your Eyes_

_See the thorn twist in your side_

_I'll wait for you_

_Rachel picks up the Phone_

Ann: Hang on, Rachel has called me and this is the same Ross who did this about a year ago, Rachel, here at FM 95.8 We think you can do better. He sounds like a horrible person, here's a song we feel is more appropriate.

_The Asshole song by Jimmy Buffett comes on_

Credits

(Cut to Joeys apartment)

_The guys are sitting around the radio, Ross and Chandler are sitting around looking blankly at the radio, and Joey is humming along. The guys look at him. His eyes suddenly widen like in TOW the red sweater._

Chan: There it is.

_Ross puts his head in his hands._

_End_

_**A/N: This is my first ever script, I hope you like it, Please review, and tell what you think, I have my major storyline , but need some filler for the episodes, so please make some suggestions.**_

THANKS


	2. TOW Where Chandler is Dateless

**TOW Chandler is Dateless**

**AN: **Hey I'm back. Well I'm back at school, so I may be able to update less regularly. Thanks to everyone who read, but please review, your input is greatly valued. I focused a bit on the girls last time, but I'm gonna try to focus on the guys this time. Please tell me, should I do a Lobster reunion, or a Rachel moving on to a Non-Friend…

**Setting:** This is set after the one with the Ski Trip, Ross went home, and the gang has just returned from their trip. Rachel is now over Ross. Rachel has a new friend "Rick". None of the Gang is dating…

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the Friends; they belong to NBC, Warner Bros. And Bright/Kauffman/Crane productions.

_Chandler is in his office, on the phone, when Doug walks in, Chandler quickly shuts his computer. And Jumps up._

Doug: Bing! Where's my WENUS.

Chan: Sir, The numbers from the PORN group came in late, and I can't find the presentation on the fine foods ANUS.

Doug: (Laughs and slaps Chandlers ass) Relax Bing, The WENUS can wait, Can you come to a Party I am having with my old lady. You should bring a date.

_Goes to leave _

Bing, I may just be out of touch, or I may just be terrible at my job, but what's PORN.

Chan: Protected Original Ratings Network.

Opening Credits

_Joey, Chandler and Monica walk into Ross' Apartment Chandler is on the phone_

Ross: (Really cheerful) Hey guys what's up?

Joey: Hey man, how you holding up.

Ross: Great, better than great.

Mon: Why…

_Someone comes out of the bathroom_

M, J, &C: Oh my god, you

_Chandler Drops the phone._

_Cut to Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel and Phoebe are there._

_The Phone Rings_

Rach: Hello, Oh hi Rick. Yeah, yeah I'm good, Yeah coffee sounds great, you know Central perk, Okay see you then, Bye

Phoe: (Janice Like) Oh My God, He asked you out.

Rach: (Nervous) Yeah I know, but is it too fast, am I coming on too strong.

Phoe: Calm, down woman, JUST CALM DOWN. You're sounding like Monica. Besides he came onto you.

Rach: Okay, I'll act aloof.

Phoe: Aloof? Are you sure, after that whole Ross, " Being over him" extravaganza?

Rach: Yeah, I think it will work.

Phoe: Ooh Okay, this will be fun, we can go shopping.

Rach: Yay Shopping, I'll get Monica's credit card.

_Cut back to Ross' apartment._

Chan: You! Ross you are joking right, please tell me you are joking, I mean oh my god, this didn't actually happen. ( Does the finger snaps like when he and the girls are looking for Christmas presents)

Ross: Hi, Guys I know, what you're thinking, but Julie was always the right girl for me, I could never have a real conversation with Rachel, I was just at the museum fixing the caveman exhibit when look who walked in, she was leading a tour of Students, and well one thing led to another, we had coffee, dinner, we talked

Julie: Hey Guys. Yes I saw my Rossie looking all depressed, so I went and cheered Him up.

Joey: I'll bet you did.

Ross: Joey!

Julie: I know how it looks, but will you please not tell Rachel just yet, I don't want to start off my relationship with Ross being bitch-slapped by Ross' spoiled ex girlfriend. But I hope you will be my friends.

Ross: And please don't let this make you think any less of us.

_Chan, Mon and Joe walk out._

Chan: Okay, so let me get this straight. Ross, the dinosaur Nerd, has just dumped a beautiful woman, and within a few weeks another has thrown himself at him. Now I on the other hand, a man with a great paying job has just been rejected by 5 different women for a posh party with the head of a Wall Street conversation. Could the world BE any more unfair.

Mon: Ooh Ooh, ask me, I want to go to a party. Besides I need something to get this whole thing out of my head.

Chan: I would, but its sort of a lawn croquet game thingy.

Mon: I am awesome at Croquet, lets go, and you're taking me.

Chan: Nooo, you can't

Mon: WHY NOT  
>Chan: Because the last time I brought you to one of these things, you hit the president of telecommunications with a ping Pong bat.<p>

Mon: Yeah well my shot was in and his wife was being a dumb bitch and if you don't invite me, I'm just going to turn up and thrash you all. Come on team Monica never loses, we could crush Doug and those fat cats.

Chan: His wife was a recovering alcoholic and you gave her your Margarita so in the interests of my job and my sanity, I'm going to ask Phoebe, (muttering) She has the mental capacity to control her psychopathic tendencies.

_The Girls walk back into Monica's apartment. They are carrying what seems like hundreds of bags. _

Rach: Tell me again, why you threw red paint over that woman.

Phoe: She was wearing fur.

Rach: She was wearing a polyester sweater!

Phoe: Well think about all those poor Poly animals that died.

Rach: Pheebs polyester comes from plastic.

Phoe: (Beat) Oh no

_Chandler walks in_

Chan: Hey Pheebs, can you be my date to this croquet party.

Phoe: It's going to cost you.

Chan: What?

Phoe: My usual, $500 bucks per night.

Rach (like when she heard about Phoebes secret affair with the pigeon dude): Phoebe!

Phoe: Just kidding, but you have to take me to dinner. A Fancy dinner, with funny French words on the menu.

Chan: Deal, thank you so much, I would have had to ask Janice.

_They all shudder_

_Cut to Central Perk Julie is sitting there with the gang except Rachel. Rachel Walks in._

Joey: So I went to this bar with a rainbow sign, and the girls there were really tomboyish, but really cute.

Ross: TOMboyish?

Rachel: Oh my god, you never really loved me did you, you selfish son of a bitch.

Chandler: Holy Mary mother of god, Gunther hid the damn coffee, hide it now.

_Ross gets up holds her shoulders._

Ross: Rach I…

_Rachel slaps him, picks up a percolator of coffee, and pours it onto his crotch. Then she storms out._

Ross: Well that went well. ( Whimpers, him and Julie run to the bathroom)

Chan: Well children, I am off to my Lunch break. Adios. Pheebs we still on for 8.

Phoe: Yeah, see you then, Lo-ver.

_Chan Leaves_

Mon: So who is this Rick guy, I swear none of us ever met him. Rach was so desperate that weekend, he is probably a troll.

_A guy walks in, the conversation stops._

Phoe: yummy, I could tell you the things my voices are telling me to do, but you prudes would not appreciate them.

Rick: Hi, you guys know a Rachel Green?

_Cut straight to credits, no tag scene_

**AN: Hey so I'm finished, sorry I was so late, but if you have kept on reading, thank you so much. I need an actor to play Rick ( In your mind ), so vote on the shortlist. ( I am a guy so please help me out here). Matt Damon, Josh Duhamel, or Bruno Heller (the mentalist).**

**Till next time, arrivaderci!**


	3. TOW Rachel's Date

TOW Rachels Date

**AN: **Hi I am Back again, Heads up to Ari who reviewed.

**Setting:** This is set after the one with the Ski Trip, Ross went home, and the gang has just returned from their trip. Rachel is now over Ross. Rachel has a new friend "Rick". None of the Gang is dating…

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the Friends; they belong to NBC, Warner Bros. And Bright/Kauffman/Crane productions.

**Summary: **Ross is apparently back with Julie and Rachel has found a new guy to date. Phoebe is going to a party with Chandler as a Friend, and Joey and Monica are doing nothing. Here we go!

_Int. Central Perk, Rick has walked in, Joey, Monica and Phoebe are round the table. Ross and Julie have just come back._

Rick: So do you guys know Rachel? Seriously no ones spoken in three minutes.

Ross: (Looking upset) No, No we don't so why don't you get out of here. We don't know her, we don't.

Rick: Whoa, okay, you don't know her, I get it.

_Rick Leaves_

Phoe: Oh my gods, why did you just do that that was Rachel's new friend.

Ross: Well I don't want her to move on just yet alright, I just want one woman I date to be hung up on me.

_Phoebe stands up_

Phoe: Well I'm going to tell him the truth.

Ross: Phoebe don't please!, I am begging you here, Please, any one but him.

Joey: Why only him, if not him then Mark, if not him then Paolo.

Ross: Why are you siding with her here, I mean come on this is unbelievable maybe I should just get out of your lives.

Joey: No dude, what we're saying is that she is going to move on. You already have, so why cant she?

_Cut to the Street._

Rick: Hi you must be Phoebe.

Phoe (Giggles) Yes, but how did you know that.

Rick: And the guy who told me you didn't know her, was that

The "We were on a break" guy. From what I've heard they were both in the wrong. So do you know where Rach is.

Phoe: Yeah, she's at her apartment. Apartment 20.

Rick :Thanks

_Cut to Rachels apartment._

_Rick is holding a bouquet of lilies._

Rick: Special delvery for Ms Green.

Rach: Hello, Rick Oh my god Hi.

Rick: These are for you.

Rach: Oh they're Beautiful, hang on. (Shouting) Why the hell weren't you at central perk you dumbass, youre worse than my Ex.

Rick: Ah yes the Famous Ross, (thinks about it) Well I was just stuck on the Metro.

Rach: Aw I'm sorry, now lets go get some coffee.

_They leave They arrive at Central perk Chandler is now back dressed smart, but Phoebe is gone!_

Rach: Hey Guys. Ross, Slut.

Julie: Hi Bitch

_Rachel lunges at her. _

_Chandler breaks it up. _

Joey: What the hell did you do that for?

Rick: Calm down.

Julie; Ok Ross, I'm gonna leave you to sort her out, but don't be late, we can finally get that cat.

_Julie Leaves_

Ross: So Richard?

Rick: Its Rick actually

Ross: Ok Rick, what do you do for a living.

Rick: Well I am an Architect for Robert A.M Stern*. But I'm hoping to go freelance soon. I know your'e a paleontologist. So as much as I would love to stay and Chat, Rach do you want to grab dinner,

Rach: (Straightening herself out): Yeah sure that sounds great, Ross I'm sorry for fighting, and I hope we can stay friends. Where are we going.

Rick: Oh yeah you might want to change.

Rach; Why

Rick; (nonchalantly) The plaza

Rach: ( trying to play it off) Ok, lets go then.

_They walk out Arm in Arm_

Ross: That asshole, look at me I'm Mr. Swoopy McSwooperson, I can use my important friends, to get reservations at the Plaza.  
>Chan: He seems like an awesome Guy. (Ross and Monica Glare) uh uh, For a douchebag ( nervoulsly)<p>

Mon; Come on Ross, I have an Idea

_They Leave. Phoebe Walks in._

Chan: Hi honey lets go, (pulls out some flowers, and puts on a dumb French accent) Zese are for you mon Cherie!

Phoe: (Deadpan) Uhuh, okay lets go. (laughs) aw how sweet no guys ever gotten me flowers before.

Chan: Okay the Sarcastic thing is kinda mine.

Phoe: No I'm serious, no guy I date is ever this sweet, A woman could get used to this.

_Cut to croquet Party_

Posh Woman: So miss Buffay, what do you think of these lovely veal sandwiches

Phoebe: (Eyes growing wide) AHhhhhh, You bastard (runs to a "waiter", with a croquet mallet) I'll kill you, I fought a dude with Knives for feet in a sinking Plymouth Barracuda

Chandler: Aw Hell, why is it the only sane person I know, Is (thinks) Wow, No one.

Phoe: I scared that guy off, (turns to Doug) No need to thank me, you really shouldn't that sort of person in Here.

Doug: Okay, Bing! Lets play Croquet.

_Phoebe is starting, she swings it like a baseball bat._

Chan: Uhh Pheebs, wrong way.

Phoe (Really stressed): SHUT UP.

_Phoebe swings, and It goes through two hoops, she then smashes everyone._

Phoe: Go Phoebe, Go Phoebe. I am gonna write a song about this.

_TO the tune of Smelly Cat._

_Awesome Phoebe_

_Awesome Phoebe _

_Crushed the dumb fat cats._

_I am Better than Monica,_

_You losers lost to Phoebe (Pause) And Chandler._

Doug's Wife: How lovely dear, (To Doug) This is so emabarassing, You lose in front of your entire company, and to that Woman, If that.

Doug: Don't worry, I'll fire him on Monday.

_Cut to the Plaza. Fire bell goes off._

Rick: Aw damn It, ok Lets just go.

Maitre D: We are terribly sorry for this Inconvenience, as compensation, all your meals are Free of Charge.

Rick: Well that's a Stroke of luck.

Rach: Ok lets go to Central Park.

Rick: That sounds Romantic

_They Leave_

_Credits Roll_

_Monica and Ross come in in Handcuffs._

Fireman: The F*** do you think you're doing, setting off the fire bell.

Monica: You don't understand, His ex-girlfriend is moving on.

Fireman: What a psycho.

**AN: **That Was a quick one, so I hope you like it R&R


	4. TO After the Arrests

TO After the Arrests

**AN: **Sorry to Sammie-Jayne, but I didn't really see the arrests having any real consequences. PS Thanks for reviewing. I didn't want to put Rick in this chapter, because as of yet he is not a main character** .**

**Setting:** This is set after the one with the Ski Trip, Ross went home, and the gang have just returned from their trip. Rachel is now over Ross. Rachel has a new friend "Rick". None of the Gang are dating…

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the Friends, they belong to NBC, Warner Bros. And Bright/Kauffman/Crane productions

_The Girls apartment, Rachel and Phoebe are there/_

_Monica walks in._

Mon: Hi Everyone.

Phoe: Hey Mon. Ooh what happened to your aura, you must have done something… or someone horrible last night.

Mon: Yeah, Yeah I did, and Pheebs I don't know if you can see this, but I am sorry for what I did.

Phoe (To Rachel): It is in the Aura.

Mon: Rach, Please don't be mad.

Rach: Why would I be mad, I had one of the best dates I have ever had last night.

Mon: Well you know the fire Drill at the Plaza.

Rach: Uh huh

Mon: Well last night, Ross and I set it off. But I am so sorry, I thought you were Jealous of Julie, I thought maybe ruining your date, would nudge you back towards him.

Rach: Wow, Why would anyone be so cruel as to do that. (Monica Starts crying)

Rach: Aw Honey, Its okay, I know you wanted us to settle down in Scarsdale and complain about the taxes, I really do. For a long time, that's what I wanted. But now I've moved on, I think I should be allowed to find happiness with someone else.

Mon: (Sniffling) He just seemed kind of unhappy with Julie, I thought maybe that would be the best thing to do.

Rach: That's ok Mon, I know.

Phoe: Oh finally, lets finish the cryfest and hear more about this date.

Mon: Ooh I could go for that, Pheebs Get the wine.

Phoe: As Always, do we need tissues.

Rach: Okay Okay, No we don't Pheebs.

_The Girls are now all perched on the sofa._

_They all have glasses of Wine._

Rach: So after we left the Plaza, we walked back here through Central Park, just talking.

Phoe: Did he make a move.

Rach: Not really, but I think he wanted to.

Mon: Aw he took account of your recent break up, and he listened to you, why cant all guys be like that.

Rach: Then he brought me home, and as I went in, he grabbed me and Kissed me.

Phoe: Wow, pretty near to a perfect date. Prepare to face stiff competition for this one Green.

_Cut to Chandlers office, Chandler and his secretary Kathleen are there. Monday Morning Doug walks in._

Doug: Bing, Clear out your desk and get the Hell out of My sight and my Building

_Doug leaves_

Kath: Mr. Bing are you alright, Mr Bing, Mr Bing. Just thought you might like to know, word at the cooler was, you would get fired, because of something to do with Croquet.

_Cut to Julies Apartment_

_The dorr is open and there is laughter coming from the Bedroom_

Julie: Oh, Russ, stop it, (giggles) On second thoughts… Ross

Ross: ( red ross) :What The Hell are you doing

Julie: Ross, Russ is my ex-Boyfriend, he came over to pick up some stuff, we opened some wine aand you can see what happened.

Ross: I should Go, don't bother calling

Julie: Ross I…

_Cut to Chandler and Joeys apartment._

_Joey is there, Then the Phone Rings._

Joey: Yello, Tribbianni Residence.

Chan: Joey Hi

Joey: Hey Bro, hows it going, aren't you supposed to be working.

Chan: ( freaking out ) No, Because I don't have a job anymore, Oh my god, I'm unemployed.

Joey: Chan Chan: Don't worry, I am unemployed, have been most of my life, so we can be unemployed together, so you cant get bored. We can get bracelets again.

Chan: Dear god put somepne else on the phone.

_Pheebs Walks in_

Joey: Pheebs here

_Joey Runs out_

Chan: Pheebs, I got Fired.

Phoe: Oh my God, Chandler, I'm so sorry, I swore, after I got stabby Joe sent to Jail I would never deprive anyone of their livelihood ever again. Ooh Maybe you can come Work for me, can you pretend to be Thailandese.

Chan: Its Thai, and what would I have to do.

Phoe: Rub Oil on people

Chan: Why is this all Thai people like doing, rubbing oil on Strangers, or my father.

Phoe: Do what now.

Chan: Generally, My father in the pool house.

Phoe: Anyway, how did you take the news

_Cut to chandlers office. Chandler and Bob are standing with baseball bats, It is totaled._

Chan: If I said, this office couldn't be any more trashed, I would be putting it lightly.

Phoe: Hold on I am coming ( Hangs Up)

_Phoebe stands there and pulls a fire Axe from her handbag, she looks at it psychotically, them skips out the room_

_Fade out to Central perk_

_Joey Monica and Rachel are there._

Mon: He did hate his job, so its not a dead loss, besides how bad can losing your Job be.

Rachel: You stayed in your PJs for 3 weeks and ate nothing but Ice Cream and cold hot dogs.

Mon: True, I cant believe they would fire him because he ran at Croquet.

_Ross Walks in_

Ross: Hi

Mon: Whats Up

Ross: You guys remember Russ

(The gang nod) Well he and Julie have a past.

Mon: And?

Ross: It involves Wine and a bedroom, take a wild stab in the dark.

Rach: Aw I'm sorry

Ross: Oh yeah, Rach I am so sorry that I tried to ruin your date, I guess I just couldn't accept that you had moved on.

Rach: Same here I guess.

Joey: So Rach, Has Rick called.

Rach: No, but its been 2 days.

Joey: Ah he knows the Rules, don't phone for three days, and don't seem desperate, a man after my own heart

_Chandlers Office Doug Walks in_

Doug: Bing surely there was no need to overreact.

Chan: Sure there was.

Doug You could have avoided this by not bringing that awful woman to my Party:

_Phoebe is standing in the Doorway, unnoticed._

Chan: Hey don't ever talk about her like that.

Doug: She has no Idea how to behave in public, she is stupid and innapropriate.

Chan: ( furious) How dare you, she has had a harder life than anyone I know, she was homeless at 14, her mother killed herself, and yet she still lives more in a day than you could in a millennium. She is the funniest, happiest woman I have ever met.

Doug: The way she acts, shes probably a whore

_Chandler flips, and smacks Doug upside the head with his baseball bat. Doug is bleeding_

Chan: You know, what, if I had to spend the rest of my ife with her, I would be the happiest man alive.

Doug: Get out of here Bing.

_He leaves, Chandler still hasn't noticed Phoebe_

Phoe: (Softly) Chandler.

Chan: Pheebs

_Phoebe Runs up and kisses him passionately_

Chan: Are you sure this is the right thing to Do.

Phoe (Grinning): Oh yeah, Uh huh.

AN; Uh oh Game changer. That's right it's a Phandler Fic


	5. TOW The Past, Future ExWife

TOW With the Past Future Ex Wife

**AN**: Hey everyone, Sorry for the delay, I have been cramming like crazy, Schools a bitch. Hope you all didn't miss me too much, but I will be doing a rerun in a little while, while I take a two week break.

**Setting:** This is set after the one with the Ski Trip, Ross went home, and the gang has just returned from their trip. Rachel is now over Ross. Rachel has a new friend "Rick". None of the Gang is dating…

**Disclaimer:** I own none of the Friends; they belong to NBC, Warner Bros. And Bright/Kauffman/Crane productions.

_Open Chandler's office_

_Phoebe and Chandler are there, they are kissing. They pull apart._

Chan: Wow you are really good at that.

Phoe: I know, I invented it you know.

Chan: Huh.

Phoe: Past life and a horny caveman, I don't want to go into it.

Chan: Ok, ok what are we going to do about this.

Phoe: Well I don't want to have the pressure of being branded lobsters by Monica.

Chan: Yeah she'd probably cage us and produce a mating schedule.

Phoe: The advantage of which is that she could serve me to you all naked and pink…

Chan: Can we do that any way.

Phoe: Ok. You get the pot.

Chan: (Distracted) Yeah, Hold on maybe we should try to keep a low profile about this, you know sneak around a bit.

Phoe: Yeah uh huh okay I can make sneaking around sexy.

_Cut to Central Perk_

_Rach Ross and Joey are there._

Ross: Hey Joe, who's gonna win Game 7, The Celtics or the Knicks

Joey: Knicks all the way baby.

Rach: What about my opinion, is it because I'm a girl.

Joey: Yeah.

Rach: What!

Ross: No, no, no, we just didn't know you had an opinion. DO you have one.

Rach: Sure I do I love Derek Jeter, those big burly guys in helmets.

Ross: Huh

Joey: Its called basketball.

Rach: Fine, I have no opinion. Well next time Cosmo has a quiz, I'm not going to ask either of you.

_Rick Enters_

Rick; Hey Guys, what's up.

Rach: Hey Honey, how was your trip.

Rick: Pretty crappy, the Koreans really don't like it when you speak in Chinese, and to scream when they eat dog. But my day is looking up.

Rach; Why?

Rick: I can see you.

Rach: Oh That's so sweet, can you get me another coffee.

Rick: Huh, Gunther.

Gunt: Who are you.

Rach: My boyfriend.

Gunt: What! Rachel how could you ( Breaks the cappuccino machine)

Rick: Sooo… what are you .

Joey: Game 7 of the Playoffs, the Celtics taking on the Mighty Knicks.

Rick: Much as I despise the Knicks… I still say it's the Celtics, Rondo and Garnett could destroy the Knicks and the Heat put together on their own.

Joey: Fair dues, but come on man, it's the Knicks.

_Monica walks in with an overweight, but not seriously so, Woman, she is stylishly dressed._

Monica: Hey guys this is my best friend from fat camp, Emily, Emily Waltham, ( in this Timeline, she hasn't met Colin yet so she hasn't become the jealous mistrusting person we knew and despised with a passion) She's British.

Emily: Yeah, each year I had a different stepmother and each year they wanted me as far away from London as they could get me, so it was Long Island or Tasmania.

Rach: Aw I would love to go to London and Watch Wimbledon, sip tea with the Queen shop in Harrods and meet designers in Soho.

Rick: So it would be that easy to curry favor with you.

Emily: Anyway Mon, has told me so much about all of you, but my parents kicked me out.

Joey: Why,

Emily: I called my step mothers sister, who is two years younger than me, a conniving Slut, when I found her in bed with my boyfriend.

Rach: And you got kicked out.

Emily: Well it was either, have sex with the French Chippy or lose access to a tight young woman and keep his fat daughter. So I need a job

Rach: Gunther.

Gunt: Yes Rachel.

Rach: Can you give Emily here a Job,

Gunt: Sure

Rach: Don't worry, I worked here for a while.

Emily: And

Rach: It sucked the life out of me.

Emily: So what do you guys do here all day.

Joey: Eat talk, drink, mock the latest victim in Monica's crappy boyfriend lineup, watch Rachel read a fashion magazine, be bored to death by Ross, and Chat up girls, 5 today.

Rick: Hey a personal best.

Emily: How do so many girls fall for you no offence.

Joey: How you doin'

Mon: Joey!

Joey: What, new flavor of Ice cream.

Rick: Well Emily, I was raised in London, maybe we can talk Soccer, I am an Arsenal man through and through, though out here I support Philly Union. I have to go sell a building to the Cuban cigar company. How about we go to the game tonight guys, throw back some Brewskis.

Joey: Seriously, that would be awesome, where are the Seats.

Rick: Courtside (leaves)

Emily: (Flirtatiously) Who was that.

Rach: Taken.

Ross: How the hell did he get courtside, he's an Architect.

Rach: A very good one.

Joe: Who cares, Courtside seats, man that is cool.

_Carol Runs in, in a wedding dress._

Ross: Aw, not again.

Carol: Oh Ross, thank god you're here.

Ross: Hey Carol, are you alright.

Joey: Hey, you're the Lesbian; Rach, does this mean you were a lesbian, before you came here.

Carol: Ok Ross, you remember the Ceremony we had.

Rach: How could I forget it,

_Chandler and Phoebe come in and sit down, their hair is messed up._

Carol: Well, apparently It wasn't entirely legal, so we went to get it done again, and waiting in the Bathroom, I realized, I wasn't turned on by her anymore, I don't think I ever was. So I came here, because Ross is my only friend who isn't a lesbian.

Mon: Rach, Pheebs can I see you for a minute, in my apartment.

_They Leave_

Joey: Ross can I talk to you privately.

_They Leave_

Chan: So Carol, how's the difficulty choosing lifestyle choices working out for you.

_Carol glares at him._

_Cut to Monica's apartment._

Phoe: So what's up Mon

Rach: Wow aren't you happy, someone would think you got laid. Using the Joey system, I'd say Office or bathroom Sex.

Mon: Ok, ok I just had to get this out of my system. I've felt this way forever.

_Cut to Joey's Apartment_

Joey: hey Ross, I wanted to ask you something, I thought it would be better for everyone if I asked your permission.

Ross: Shoot, wait its not Rachel is it.

Joey: Nope, I'm in love with…

_Cut to split screen. Monica and Joey_

Mon: I love Chandler

Joey: I love Monica.


End file.
